Been a heck of a week for Canadian soccer. The Whitecaps finally – finally! – forgot to concede a late equalizer against the Montreal Impact in spite of their best efforts and actually beat the turds. The Toronto FC finally – finally! – outplayed and outscored a Central American team in the CONCACAF Champions League. Simeon Jackson’s big transfer was made official. Dwayne De Rosario scored against Manchester United, which hasn’t got the same ring as “Gabe Gala scored against Real Madrid” but ought not to be ignored.

So I’m going to talk about the Kansas City Wizards for a bit.

You’ve probably heard that the Wizards are considering rebranding their team. “Kansas City Wizards” has always been a bit of a silly soccer-mom name (better than the old Kansas City Wiz, but oh wooow), and the magical men from Missouri may be seeking a new name to go along with their new stadium. Given MLS’s well-known boner for faux-European names, I immediately trotted out old standards “Inter Kansas City” and “Borussia Monchenkansascity“, although Sam Bazzarelli wins the title with his suggestion of Kansas City City playing out of City of Kansas City Stadium. But even a bogus European-derived name (Atlético Kansas City? Nah, St. Louis will want that one.) would have to be better than the little-tykes-merchandise-peddling moniker like the Kansas City Wizards, right? Right?

You know what? No.

It’s long been a pet peeve of mine that North American soccer culture is too derivative of European football culture. This reflects itself in many MLS fans’ pants-crapping worship of the first-class European leagues. It’s shown off flagrantly every time someone insists it’s called football or that the players put on their kits and run onto the pitch for the match that will be a nil-nil clean sheet draw. You can hear it whenever a crowd in Canada demands to know “who ate all the pies?” when you’d need some sort of satellite network to find a soccer stadium in this country that actually sells them. Every time the goalkeeper is a bastard and the referee’s a wanker and the opposing supporters are tossers. Every time.

Above all, above everything else, we see this ravenous inferiority complex in the names of North American soccer teams. Not just Real Salt Lake, but Toronto FC? This is Canada, and Toronto’s football club is the Argonauts. Same to you, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, which seems determined to mesh both naming paradigms into a wholly unsatisfying mélange (thank god “Whitecaps” has stuck). D.C. United? FC Dallas? Do we have none of our own traditions whatsoever? Thank goodness for brave souls like the New England Revolution and the Philadelphia Union and yes, even those jokey, comic-book Wizards.

In this country, we waste valuable ink and breath wondering why so many of our native sons go to play for the national teams of England or the Czech Republic or Bosnia or the Netherlands (well, maybe not the Netherlands). Has it occurred to us that the reason Canadians seem to think in droves that European teams and traditions are better than ours is that a significant portion of North American soccer culture is predicated on exactly that? That if a Voyageur in the stands with five or six buddies sang something other than warmed-over EPL chants with “Canada” awkwardly spliced in, that if we were enthusiastic about how English we weren’t, and above all if we stopped getting worked up every time a soccer team was given the same sort of nickname as every other sporting club in this country, it might contribute to that elusive “national pride” we’re too often seen lacking?

But, sure, you bunch of traditionalists, forget about it. Name your team “Sporting Kansas City” and bellow whatever invective would seem at home in the cheapest, dingiest Liverpool pubs. We were a British colony once, right? Nothing stopping us from being one again, leaping on whatever shards of European culture drift over the ocean, and embracing our role as Europe’s farm team.

It’s simple. It’s annoyingly “representative”: the mountains I can see, but the bits of the water are supposed to be waves? It looks like two Umbro logos tipped on their sides like Coke machines in a high school. The colours are weird, and it’s hard to imagine how it’ll look on an actual uniform. It is such a huge departure from anything the Whitecaps or 86ers have ever had that it forfeits twenty-four years of iconographic legacy.

I think it’s terrific. Look at that thing! The trend in North American soccer lately appears to be towards simple, unambitious logos: witness AC St. Louis, the Philadelphia Union, etc. I think this is the greatest trend of all time. If Real Salt Lake changed their name, MLS would actually look and sound classier than half the leagues in Europe.

In truth, I like it better than the current logo. I feared I’d be alone in this because it’s such a radical departure, but the reaction on the Southsiders forum is almost universally in favour and even the Twittersphere is approving. The old spit-curl-wave logo wasn’t particularly beloved among the fandom (the point of the shield was off-center! You have no idea how much that has fucked me up over the years!) and by disclaiming ambition and shoving-in-every-possible-symbol disease, this logo attains a certain timeless elegance.

If I could change one thing, I might scrub the ‘Vancouver’ and the ‘FC’. It’s the ‘FC’ I particularly dislike – we know you’re a football club, guys; no hockey team could pull off a logo like that. And you’d have to kill the ‘Vancouver’ in the name of balance. Just ‘WHITECAPS’ in big white letters. Yessss. Although that would run the risk of making it look like the icon for a construction company.

Speaking of construction companies, and on an entirely unrelated note, FC Edmonton unveiled their full slate of ticket prices today. The domestic friendly prices are unchanged from what I previously reported, and an end-zone seat at Commonwealth for the premiere international friendlies will set you back $25. Have you ever watched a soccer game from the end-zones at Commonwealth? I cannot physically describe to you how much I don’t recommend it. For a seat you can actually watch a soccer game from, you’re laying out $35. That’s a lot of pie.

They’re setting major-league prices for what is, so far, minor-league talent getting stomped into the FieldTurf by more illustrious adversaries. It would be nice to see Portsmouth or Colo-Colo, of course, if you were a soccer-starved Edmontonian. But if the fan pays $35 to see the famous team, watches the famous team win 6-0 over an overwhelmed FC Edmonton, and then is asked to shell out for season tickets the next year… that can’t be a good start, can it?

I disagree with just about everything Duane Rollins writes at the 24th Minute. That’s part of the reason I read his non-Toronto posts so attentively: it’s good to see an opposing perspective argued passionately and intelligently. Keeps me on my toes. But today my attention is focused on his new Western writer, Brandon Timko, and a subject near and dear to my heart: the expansion of the Voyageurs Cup.

Why so much interest in getting an additional collection of minnows and also-rans into a tournament that, as much as the diehards love it, does not yet resonate with the day-to-day public? Because a true Canadian Soccer League, as opposed to an Ontario league that assumes the name and style, seems to be a pipe dream. A pipe dream we all share but one which regardless has no chance of coming true. The Voyageurs Cup already exists. The Canadian Soccer Association is driving it with, from them, unaccustomed enthusiasm and ambition. It already rings truer among Canadian fans than the US Open Cup does south of the border, and not just because of the CONCACAF Champions League berth at play. If anything, the relatively insignificant Champions League is a neat opportunity that would come as a pleasant reward along with the real prize.

With FC Edmonton coming into the North American Soccer League in 2011, we seem set to have a four-team tournament until Edmonton goes tits-up (tentatively scheduled for 2012) and a four-team round robin isn’t a grueling schedule. But Rollins is aiming higher than that. He wants the CSL, PCSL, and USL PDL teams involved, as well as local amateur sides. Western and eastern brackets to keep the costs down, with the winners matching in a two-match national battle royale for all the marbles.

It’s a lovely thought. It would be like our own FA Cup, one which lacks the ancestry and pageantry of the older competition but which the larger clubs will be obliged to take more seriously and which the smaller clubs would, with fewer teams and therefore fewer tests of their mettle, have a much better chance of a glory tie against an MLS opponent or even taking the entire tournament in a stunning upset.

So now, in the time-honoured tradition of this space, I will tell you why it can never happen. At least, not in that form.

1. Most Canadian USL PDL teams will never be able to participate in the Voyageurs Cup, ever. Sorry, guys. It’s true.

Those of you without a strong grounding in amateur American soccer leagues may need a bit of an explanation. The USL Premier Development League had its genesis as a summer league for American college players and those looking to catch on in the NCAA ranks. Ages are restricted and most teams operate on a strictly amateur basis. Even non-collegiate players go officially unpaid, as a semi-professional team would compromise the NCAA eligibility of its entire roster. The Victoria Highlanders and the Abbotsford Mariners, in Western Canada, operate along these lines, although for obvious reasons they look to CIS for their talent base as well.

There is nothing inherently prohibiting amateurs from playing in the Voyageurs Cup or even the CONCACAF Champions League, although the powers-that-be might frown on it (even the worst Champions League representatives, from the like of El Salvador and Haiti, tend to officially be fully professional). But there are obvious factors preventing collegiate players from participating in the CONCACAF Champions League: they’re in school!

Remember, this isn’t college throwball. 95% of a USL PDL team’s roster will never get paid a thin dime to play professional soccer. They’re going to school to earn an education while soccer is an entertaining and, if they’re very good indeed, potentially lucrative diversion. The CONCACAF Champions League group stages begin in August and end in October, flying its participants across Central America and the Caribbean. Even for professional teams, the schedule can be difficult. Those playing semi-professionally and with full-time jobs can probably get time off from understanding employers – the employers must be understanding for them to get semi-professional rides to begin with! But even if the Canadian Soccer Association stepped in and found a way to finance these expensive trips, what chance would full-time students have? Missing classes, trying to practice and stay in game shape with only friendlies (for their PDL seasons are long over), skipping NCAA and CIS practices or games, the real stars holding off on potential professional commitments that would ruin their eligibility for an amateur side, all so they can get waxed in Trinidad and Tobago?

Is it unlikely that a USL PDL team would qualify for the group stage of the CONCACAF Champions League? Of course, but stranger things have happened. Besides, the same problem applies to a lesser extent in the Voyageurs Cup itself. A tournament long enough to include amateur clubs would have to begin earlier, and even the current incarnation gets started in late April, weeks before the PDL season. A full tournament risks obliging PDL teams to finalize their rosters and begin play during the school year, which would be difficult at best and put the amateurs at a heavy competitive disadvantage.

This doesn’t apply to the academy sides, like the Whitecaps Residency team, which operate along professional lines. But are we really expanding this thing for the sake of the Vancouver Whitecaps Residency?

2. The big clubs would never go for it.

Hi, Vancouver Whitecaps of Major League Soccer! This Voyageurs Cup thing is going pretty well, isn’t it? You’re taking on rivals in Toronto and Montreal, and a bunch of leatherlunged prairie boys from Edmonton are pissing your fans off by talking about bringing down the big MLS team. Attendance is pretty good for weekday games, it doesn’t take up too much of the schedule, and maybe you get to win and go thump some Mexicans.

Well, we’re going to change things up a bit. Instead of playing Toronto and Montreal, you’re taking on Gorge FC and the Fraser Valley Action. They’re really excited about maybe bringing down the MLS stars – I’d expect to see a couple away fans at BC Place for that one! And if you beat them, then you get that exciting home date with the hated Toronto and Montreal teams. Well, one of them, anyway. Also, the tournament’s a month longer now.

So, what do you think?

3. The travel is still too damned expensive.

This is much more of a problem out west than it would be in the east. In the east, the travel would just mean that Atlantic Canadian and rural clubs could never participate and I doubt that’s going to break your heart. But out west, there are a few blocks of clubs spaced apart by gigantic wildernesses full of nothing.

A PCSL or VMSL team would never have a problem heading to play the Whitecaps, but flying to Edmonton might cost more than their travel budget for the rest of the season. Similarly, that amateur team in Calgary would probably be able to take a bus ride to Edmonton easily enough, but when a time comes to travel to the Kamloops Excel… well, you have to do that twice in a round robin and the cost might add up awful quick. And if one of them somehow won that pool and had to fly to Stade Saputo, well, hell.

Don’t count on the Canadian Soccer Association to subsidize it every year.  They’re the Canadian Soccer Association.

So, you smartass, what would you do?

First off, I’d give up on amateur USL PDL teams. A few non-affiliated USL PDL teams in the United States are starting to go semi-professional, and if any of our guys ever go that route they’d be welcome. I’d also let in the Whitecaps Residency and Prospects, the prospective Edmonton academy team, TFC Academy, and the Impact reserves with fairly strict cap-tying rules to prevent clubs from fielding overly strong secondary clubs or even weakening the little club too much mid-Cup.

Realistically, the qualification process for 2012 might have to begin in 2011, letting the amateurs and the semi-professionals duke it out amongst themselves. That would give them plenty of time to have a fair competition arranged on a regional basis so it wouldn’t be a financial hardship. It’ll also give a team plenty of notice that they’ll be required to travel and even where they’ll have to travel to: Milltown FC will know well in advance who also qualified and the funds they’ll have to raise, and if they can’t do it they’ll be able to gracefully bow out in favour of the next-placed team. There’ll be roster turnover between the team that qualifies and the team that plays, but that’s life.

The amateur and semi-professional teams could even have a little cup amongst themselves to serve as the qualifier, to lend a little prestige. Why not? What’s a nice trophy cost, $200? The CSA can make that happen.

Then your 2012 teams duke it out. The fully professional teams in MLS and the NASL get an automatic entry, of course. The minnows have known what they’re up against for some time and will play all their games for the Voyageurs Cup in-season, giving them the best realistic competitive chance.  They’ll probably lose, of course. The gulf between division two and division three in Canada is awfully large, but upsets have been made over larger. And if they achieve it, the Voyageurs Cup neutral site final would come just in time to be a perfect crown to their season.

If the minnow gets really lucky and wins the whole show, well, fantastic. These guys can hopefully book more time off work for the Champions League matches. There are mid-sized stadia that would probably meet CONCACAF standards – Lamport in Toronto, Swangard in Vancouver, City Centre in Victoria. At that once-in-a-lifetime stage, the Canadian Soccer Association could probably use some Aeroplan miles to get these guys to and from the games. CSL (well, CPSL) teams have played in CONCACAF before, after all, although the championship was less serious in those days.

For those who are a little too curious about how this would work, I rigged up a hypothetical schedule for qualification in 2011 and a Cup in 2012 (also showing qualification for the 2013 Cup – it gets a little weird). Work was boring and I make no apologies for it, but I think that schedule-wise my proposal is workable: we can have a fair schedule without playing through the snow in most of the country and still finishing up in time for Jack Warner and his pals.

A tournament where every game is worth watching, where every fan has a vested interest, and every team will be able to play without panicking about what to do if they win. That’s the best we can hope for.

I like MLS. No, I love MLS. I love MLS more than I could ever love some English so-called Premier League, or some Spanish La Liga, or, yes, even the Italian Serie A.

Part of it is simple patriotism. There is half a Canadian in the Premier League right now, none in either La Liga or the Serie A, and six in Major League Soccer not counting Toronto. Partially, it’s the quality of play: are the players as good as the stars of Manchester United? Of course not! But they’re still pretty damned good, and the parity in the league means that there are hardly any Chelsea – Aston Villa 90-minute torture sessions for the neutral.

Also, I can actually watch them at a sane hour of day. I love soccer, but I don’t usually love it enough to get up at 4:30 AM PST on a Saturday to watch Blackburn take on Tottenham or whoever’s up this week.

So this extended weekend was a pretty good one for me. MLS First Kick, Philadelphia at Seattle was… well, it was a dreary game and the Union proved why they’re everybody’s favourite for the basement. But the uniforms were sharp and, in defiance of critical opinion, the turf at Qwest Field looked perfectly playable to me. This didn’t stop the usual suspects from letting fly with invective directed at the plastic – football is meant to be played on grass, and so forth. I’ve seen bad turf. All those Toronto fans have seen bad turf. That was not bad turf. Hell, the grass at Commonwealth Stadium was worse than that turf.

The other highlight of the weekend was, of course, Toronto’s visit to Columbus. It had everything we’ve grown to love and expect from MLS, all pleasantly rolled into one ninety-minute package. There were moments of sublime skill and beauty. There was a half-empty stadium. There was 29-year-old Julian De Guzman playing like he was a thousand, and there was 1,000-year-old Guillermo Barros Schelotto playing like he was twenty-nine. Both sides complained like hell about how much the refereeing helped the other team, as per usual. Plus, Toronto got pummeled, which isn’t news either.

(There’s another post in this, but oh my god does Toronto look like they’ll be bad this year. I’m genuinely not sure that Toronto is as good as Montreal man-for-man, even on paper. Are they even the favourites for the Voyageurs Cup?)

There were other games on the weekend, but who cares? None of them were exactly thrill-a-minute action rides. Irritatingly, one of the best matches of the weekend was the Madrid derby in La Liga – I say irritatingly because eww, La Liga. For a 3-2 game the result was only in doubt for the first half before Real asserted their dominance, but it was still a well-played exhibition of soccer, damn them. Atlético just needed one more goal against Real, so look for them to offer a million dollars for Gabe Gala.

The best viewing of the weekend, however, came on Sunday afternoon. I had a web stream of GOL TV on taking up space, and what should come on but some Brazilian action between Corinthians and Sao Paolo. It was a preposterously back-and-forth affair: Corinthians dominated heavily early, taking leads of 2-0 and 3-1 before Sao Paolo stormed back to level affairs at 3-3. With time dying, Corinthians finally snatched the winner, and unusually in a seven-goal match every last strike was of sublime, highlight-of-the-night calibre. Even fat Ronaldo looked into it, setting up the first Corinthians goal and occasionally deigning to run full-out before being substituted.

So I guess that’s the last reason I love MLS, actually. Great football can come from anywhere.

This is Charles Gbeke, filling out his jersey like usual. Charles was a big fellow in every sense of the word: 6′2″ and built like an offensive tackle from the 1980s. Husky. Slow. Watching him jog (he never got above “jog”) up the pitch, you got an idea about how tectonic plates worked. Seldom were he and Randy Edwini-Bonsu on the same pitch, but when they were, Edwini-Bonsu could outrun Gbeke going backwards. They were not an effective partnership just because they never really had the same game plan. So, naturally, the young, athletic Edwini-Bonsu has stayed, where the older, chunkier Gbeke is currently toiling with something called Guangzhou F.C. in the Chinese second division.

But here’s the thing about Gbeke. He pipped fifteen goals in forty-two career appearances for the Whitecaps and led the USL Division One in scoring last season. The guy may have been essentially inert but he could strike with a vengeance and he always seemed to know exactly where he had to be. He was, essentially, a homeless man’s Ali Gerba, but with the Whitecaps talented ball distributors and wing speed, he was deadly.

With Gbeke gone and Marcus Haber off to greener pastures in lovely, er, Exeter, the burden of scoring on Vancouver will fall to Edwini-Bonsu, 33-year-old oft-injured St. Vincent and the Grenadines-ian Marlon James, and a rogue’s galary of decent-ish youngsters that include Dever Orgill, Canadian U-20 Alex Semenets, and a former Puerto Rico Islander benchwarmer with the tremendous footballing name of Jonny Steele. There’s some potential there, but it’s not exactly a murderer’s row. When James is hurt (i.e. “all the fucking time”), there’s not a classic goal poacher in the bunch.

Unfortunately, there aren’t exactly a lot of talented poachers out there. Particularly not talented poachers in the primes of their career. Preferably ones familiar with the North American second division but who are still young enough to be key contributors to an MLS roster. It would be best if he were Canadian, to help us out with potentially problematic domestic player rules in the future. Besides, anybody available at this time of year would probably have missed professional training camps and be hopelessly out of shape. It’s not like there’s such a player who is actively trying to seek his release from one of our mortal rivals or anything, right? That would be impossible.

Oh, wait, what’s that, John Molinaro? Preki has sent Canada’s best goalscorer by strike rate home because of “performance” even though he’s in the best shape of his career and that goalscorer, who could be fairly described as “Charles Gbeke if Gbeke suddenly got really good and could fire a shot from twenty feet hard enough to decapitate a USSF-2 goalkeeper someday”, is trying to engineer his release from the club even though he’s on a guaranteed contract that will pay him nearly $200,000 this season?

Now, maybe Gerba has really been that awful on a Toronto FC team that’s looked uninspiring so far this preseason. Maybe his fat gave him super powers, like Samson’s hair, and now that he’s showed up lean and trim he makes Chad Barrett look like Wayne Rooney. Or maybe the notorious hard-ass coach is trying to light a fire under his team by sending home an expensive but expendable domestic player with a high profile just to show who’s boss. Maybe Gerba is getting Jeff Cunningham’d. It’s not like Toronto FC is blowing the barn doors off with or without Fat Fit Ali. Since a seemingly slightly panicked Mo Johnston was quick to emphasize that Gerba isn’t being released, this reeks of a motivational stunt.

Let’s suppose that Gbeke gets his release from Toronto FC. I doubt Toronto would be sad to get rid of Gerba’s cap hit, and if they could pay him off for a portion of his remaining deal by mutual consent, one suspects everyone would be happy with that. Gerba would be in need of a team, obviously, and the European clubs with which he once plied his trade are mid-season. They probably wouldn’t be looking to add an international who’d require a work permit. It would be North America or bust for him. MLS is probably going on strike, so there’s a very good chance he’ll be looking at USSF Division Two. And very few clubs have both the resources to pay Gerba and the roster spot where he could fit in.

The Whitecaps have both.

So make it happen, Mullet Bob. Sign him to a one-year deal and see what happens. It’s not like you have a salary cap to worry about. If he performs, fantastic, you have a striker who’ll be 28 at the beginning of your first MLS season and who we know can score goals. If he doesn’t, no harm done, staple his ass to the bench in favour of Orgill or Semenets and let Gerba wander down the dusty trail in search of a club once again.

At the very least, Vancouver restaurants would appreciate the business.

“From deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me, I pure, straight, hate you.

But goddammit, do I respect you.”

Wes Mantooth, Anchorman

Toronto FC. Fuck them.

This is pretty much just the Southsider in me talking, but the FC can go to hell. Stealing the Voyageurs Cup we so rightly earned, stealing Canada’s best players from our biggest competition for three years, generally acting like they’re the be-all and end-all of football in this country. “Oh, Montreal beat Vancouver in a thrilling championship encounter, that’s nice, but our lead story is Toronto FC vs. the San Jose Earthquakes!” Getting so smug because they managed to put up a banner. Big deal. Everybody has banners, and we don’t feel the need to make ours so huge it almost compensates for our penis size.

(I am pretty much overtly angling for hits now. From my experience, the more rude things I say about Toronto FC, even if I don’t mean them, the more attention I get. I am gradually turning into the Canadian Bill Archer.)

Truth be told, I don’t quite feel that derby-like resentment yet for Toronto FC. I know that I should, and there are the seeds of a mighty rivalry here, but my bitterness over the Voyageurs and Gold Cups is still cloaked by a warm, fuzzy joy that there’s a soccer team in Canada cracking the front pages of sports sections. I can say things like “I want all the Toronto FC players to suffer career-ending injuries in a bus crash,” but then I start qualifying myself. “Well, okay, not the Canadians. And that Stefan Frei’s pretty good. Actually, I pretty much just want Chad Barrett and Pablo Vitti to suffer career-ending injuries in a bus crash” and by then the Toronto fans are agreeing with me.

So, with all respect to the esteemed Out of Touch Guy, I still want Toronto FC to do well. I still want them to make the playoffs and roll through a couple rounds and maybe kick the pants off the Columbus Crew. Part of me wants them to lose in time for De Guzman, De Rosario, Attakora, and company to be available for the Macedonia – Canada friendly in November, but I can’t say I’d be embittered if they went on a triumphant surge to the MLS Cup. I may resent them, but I respect them in equal measure.

Let’s be honest, non-fans of the FC. Apart from everything else, it’s fun to have a team to hate, and there’s nothing that says “hate” like “a first-division sports club in Toronto”. How could you hate the Toronto Lynx? That was like kicking a one-legged puppy. Cheering against the FC while rolling waves of white-hot loathing from 20,000 fevered supporters crash into you like breakers is more viscerally satisfying on every level. I like that. Cheering for the Whitecaps to beat Toronto was so much more fun than cheering for them to beat Montreal because I hate Toronto anyway.

And the simple fact of the matter is, as awe-inspiring insipid and ridiculous as it was for a Toronto regular-season game to get more coverage than an all-Canadian USL-1 championship, the fact is that it did. Toronto is not the centre of the universe but it’s the centre of the Canadian media. The Globe and Mail, the Toronto Star, the National Post, It’s Called Football – Canada’s greatest media luminaries focus on Toronto and are usually based there. Some of them try harder than others to maintain balanced coverage, but they are each Toronto-centric to a greater or lesser degree. So when Canadian soccer does well in Toronto, it gets that much more attention.

How can we say that Toronto’s fans don’t deserve that success? They pack that stadium night in and night out, even for crappy friendlies against Spanish prima donnas at overinflated prices. The one national match at BMO Field since Toronto FC featured the greatest Canadian home crowd in decades, a stark contrast to the letdown later that month at Stade Saputo. Dick jokes aside, their Danny Dichio banners were the products of dedicated and possibly insane men. Toronto finally making some noise in MLS after three seasons is still only a downpayment on the triumph those supporters have earned. The more glory they get, the more attention Toronto FC gets, and the better the odds that maybe next time we play Honduras the crowd will be more in our favour.

Go kick the pants off of the Red Bulls tomorrow, Toronto. I’ll be cheering you on. Reluctantly, and with a vague sense of shame, but I’ll mean it nonetheless.

Remember all that drama on the BC Place renovations potentially being cancelled? Ah, those were good times. People were panicking, there was a thread on the Southsiders board titled “could our mls dreams be over?” that ran to five pages, there was all sorts of conjecture that the BC Liberals were going to throw the renovations into the can because if there’s anything that British Columbia politicians are known for, it’s fiscal restraint and not buying goodies for downtown Vancouver.

Adding to the ridiculous furore was that BC Place already has a roof. It’s an awful roof, essentially a balloon stretched the concrete block of the stadium, but it keeps rain off unless it bursts, which only happens once in a while. The three advantages of a new roof for the Whitecaps would be that it is retractable, it would allow them to curtain off and conceal the upper decks, turning a cavernous 60,000-seat pillbox into an intimate stadium of 28,000 seats or so, and that it probably won’t kill anybody.

In the renovation package for BC Place approved in January, the roof was pegged at $200 million of the $365 million total cost, all for a stadium that was built for $126 million 1981 dollars. The renderings of the renovated BC Place are attractive, but we’re left with the fact that if the renovations go forward British Columbia taxpayers are paying just south of $400 million to renovate a football stadium to no obvious benefit.

The renovations have little to do with the Olympics and most of them (including the roof) couldn’t possibly be ready by the opening ceremonies. And even if you’re one of the dwindling number of observers who believe that publicly-financed stadia pay for themselves by stimulating growth, it’s even harder to argue that a new roof and nicer concessions for an existing building will have any positive effect.

Best of all, this government boondoggle is being shoved down the Whitecaps’ throats. They don’t actually want the stadium: Whitecaps owner Greg Kerfoot has spent several years trying to build a privately-funded stadium in downtown Vancouver near the Burrard Inlet.

Unfortunately, the Whitecaps Waterfront Stadium bid has been marred by large, well-financed organizations of concerned citizens that don’t actually have any concerned citizens in them as well as Vancouver’s usual population of hippies and kooks who oppose anybody making money off of anything ever. Kerfoot’s proposed site for the stadium, pictured to the left currently houses a parking lot and a helicopter landing pad near some railway tracks, which isn’t anyone’s idea of the Spirit of Old Gastown.

For some reason, although BC Place is a taxpayer-funded scam that is home to the much more popular BC Lions as well as MLS Vancouver, the Whitecaps seem to come in for a unique amount of abuse. The newspaper of Douglas College, displaying the sort of editorial insight and keen journalistic intellect that has been associated with campus newspapers since the dawn of time, ran a satirical article saying that the Whitecaps had eleven fans and they were all drunk drivers. That’s just offensive. If I wrote a post saying that Toronto FC fans were a bunch of Johnny-come-lately types with no interest in the game beyond the south stands at BMO Field, I’m sure somebody would call me out on it.

Objections have included the idea of the Whitecaps tearing down Crab Park (which the proposal doesn’t include, specifically setting the limits to the stadium outside of the park so all the druggies from the Downtown Eastside won’t be disturbed), environmental damage (what, is the stadium being made of uranium and puppy corpses? This isn’t a steel mill.), and, in a few particularly inspired cases, the objection that since Greg Kerfoot is an investor in Vancouver’s Edgewater Casino and therefore those dastardly Whitecaps will secretly slip a casino into this stadium without anybody knowing (seriously).

It’s also said by people who actually have jobs that traffic and spectator density will be an issue. Why this isn’t an issue for the home of the Canucks (GM Place), which is within walking distance, or the million-odd people who commute into downtown every day goes unexplained. Also, nobody is nice enough to mention how having BC Place hosting the Whitecaps in a slightly different part of downtown Vancouver is suddenly much better. Possibly the same magic traffic fairies who brought us “Sure, Let’s Tear Up Granville Street To Build a Subway Line, That Won’t Inconvenience Anybody For Three Years” will take care of this.

The stadium was originally planned to be located near Vancouver’s Waterfront Station over former Canadian Pacific Railway property. The Whitecaps own this site (marked as #1 on the map to the left) but the location was determined to be impractical, causing the Whitecaps to negotiate with the Port Authority for another site directly on the water, nearby the original location but involving the reclamation of some land and the demolition of the Seabus terminal (site #2). Because of the impact on the Seabus and port traffic, negotiations have since moved to another location directly east of that site (#3). The Vancouver port authority has been the main obstacle for getting the stadium approved, but they’ve at least been negotiating (the hot rumour is a land swap between the Whitecaps and the port authority). BC Place is shown to the left as #4, for reference. The distance between the left and right edges of the map is about 1.83 kilometers.

The waterfront location has a number of advantages. Environmentalists and transit wonks should be enthusastic, as it is located almost on top of the Waterfront public transit exchange where the three Skytrain lines, the commuter West Coast Express train, and a bundle of bus routes all intersect. The second plan would have mutilated the Seabus service, but this has been mercifully corrected. The waterfront stadium would be adjacent to Crab Park, but forty-year-old Swangard Stadium is located in Burnaby’s Central Park and so far the park has not been burned down in an alcohol-fueled orgy of destruction. Moreover, unlike western Burnaby, there are a number of taverns and restaurants in Gastown that would benefit from the increased business of a waterfront stadium, and the area is accustomed to handling a large number of revelers.

Ultimately there is no reason not to let the Whitecaps build a stadium on the Vancouver waterfront. The real concerns about earlier proposals have been ironed out, and what’s left is a combination of groundless fearmongering and knee-jerk armchair fascism saying that Private Property is Bad and that we must be careful lest an addict-riddled park be marred by people actually enjoying it. The alternative is a ridiculously expensive and largely unnecessary stadium project being thrust upon an already overtaxed public that will enjoy absolutely zero return on investment.

So it’s only natural that British Columbia is so far taking the insane route.

Presented for your consideration, Toronto FC’s all-time results against USL Division One clubs (competitive fixtures only: Voyageurs Cup, CONCACAF Champions League).

Montreal Impact 0-1 Toronto FC
Toronto FC 0-1 Vancouver Whitecaps
Vancouver Whitecaps 2-2 Toronto FC
Toronto FC 2-2 Montreal Impact
Toronto FC 1-0 Vancouver Whitecaps
Toronto FC 1-0 Montreal Impact
Vancouver Whitecaps 2-0 Toronto FC
Montreal Impact 1-6 Toronto FC
Toronto FC 0-1 Puerto Rico Islanders

Total record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 2 draws

Excuse me while I go eat some crayons.

If you haven’t heard the latest report of Julian De Guzman’s potential free transfer to Toronto FC, you’re either a basketball fan who accidentally searched for Martin Nash instead of Steve Nash or living under a rock.

The Toronto fans who blamed Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment for not spending money on Toronto FC never had much of an argument and now have even less of one, for the contract (De Guzman confirmed on It’s Called Football this morning that he had received an offer from Toronto) would, according to Ives, make Julian De Guzman the second-highest paid player in Major League Soccer. He’s probably not the second-best player in Major League Soccer – I’d place Donovan, Keller, probably Blanco, and frankly probably De Rosario ahead of him – but there’s no doubt he’d instantly make Toronto an MLS Cup contender, particularly if the cap hit only required them to jettison role player Carl Robinson.

So if I were a Toronto FC fan, I’d be gung-ho for this deal. But I’m not a Toronto FC fan. I’m a Canada fan and this is a Canada blog, and while I always want Toronto FC to do well in MLS the national team comes first.

And as a national team supporter, I’m leery.

We know that De Guzman has offers on the table from La Liga and the 1.Bundesliga, both high-end European leagues. MLS is a couple steps below the German first division, so right away one of Canada’s best players would be moving to a markedly inferior league for the sake of money and sentiment. This might be forgiven if it would conspicuously increase the profile of the game in Canada, but De Guzman, for all his success in Spain, isn’t the most high-profile Canadian footballer. Dwayne De Rosario, to pick one, has always been much better-known to casual North American fans, who embrace flashy offensive stars much more readily than steady defensive midfielders who play a continent away and have never achieved much with the national team.

De Guzman would, of course, be famous simply because of his being Toronto FC’s designated player, and the soccer-savvy world would be thrilled with the signing, but they’re not the ones who we have to convince in order to grow the game here.

Second, as we’ve seen Toronto’s commitment to the Canadian game is questionable at best. During World Cup qualifying, Toronto’s endless complaining about having to give up players to a national team like every other club in the world filled the sports pages. And during our continental championship, Toronto refused to give up a single key player, deigning to toss us the scraps of Kevin Harmse (who they were ten minutes from trading) and Ali Gerba (who had just signed and needed to play his way into shape).

Now, Toronto FC is a business. Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment has a responsibility to its shareholders, not to Canadian football. Blaming a corporation for being selfish is overlooking every principle that makes our economy work, so I can’t fault Toronto FC for their antipathy towards the national team. But when I’m cheering for the Canadian national team, I pretty much have to hope every Canadian national player of consequence avoids Toronto like Chris Cummins was just diagnosed with swine flu.

So, Julian De Guzman, since I bet you’re reading this: signing with Toronto would be good for your pocketbook and it’s always great to be playing at home. But it would be bad for you as a player and it would be bad for your country. Come get your big payday when you’re old and grey and MLS is more your level, but for now, stick to Europe. I hear that La Liga paycheques aren’t too bad anyway, and I’d much rather meet women from Cadiz than Scarborough.

Let’s make one thing clear: last night was a black day for Canadian football. Not because Toronto won (the chorus of “waah! everybody hates Toronto!” is already up in full force among the usual elements) but because Montreal disgraced our national championship. Short of match fixing, there was nothing more the Impact could have done to discredit the game in this country. A neutral observer used to seeing Manchester United every weekend or somebody being introduced to the game would have walked away thinking that we’re a bunch of amateurs. A Briton I work with laughed in my face today when the game came up.

It wasn’t all bad. Toronto FC fans are happy, as they should be. The Canadian Stretford End has pronounced this a triumph for the Canadian game because of the excitement. Well, for a Toronto FC diehard it was exciting, but we don’t measure success by the number of happy fans who were already supporters. Anybody without a vested rooting interest for Toronto over Vancouver would have walked out shaking their head in disbelief. It’s true that teams from lesser nations tank even the UEFA Champions League in favour of their domestic competition, but is that what we want the Canadian Championship to be? “The Voyageurs Cup: We’re About As Exciting As Andorra”?

Let’s not spare the Impact fans their blushes. No complaints about the real Montreal Ultras, but there’s always been a huge prawn sandwich brigade in Montreal, many of whom call themselves Ultras but only sing when the Impact are winning. On a rainy day with the Impact playing for pride against a supposedly mortal rival, Toronto chants filled Stade Saputo for ninety minutes on television. The disgraceful effort by the Montreal players and staff was met by the disgraceful effort from all but their best fans.

Nobody should blame Toronto. They didn’t pick their opponent. They had a job to do and they did it. I’m going to be behind the FC with full voice in the CONCACAF Champions League, and so should you. There are a lot of sour grapes out there right now, but we saw that last year too when the Impact won and most of us got over it. What we should really worry about is a solution, other than banning Montreal from future Voyageurs Cups (though that has a certain appeal).

The fairest and simplest way is a single-leg replay. If all three teams are tied on points go to goal differential and so on, but if two teams wind up on nine points have them play a single leg at a neutral site, winner take all. Imagine the excitement if, next week, Toronto took on Vancouver in, say, Edmonton or even Montreal for all the marbles. Imagine the buildup! Two teams, in classic elimination fashion, with nothing to lose and everything to win, and no possibility of the Montreal Impact’s lack of integrity fouling up the goal differential.

Of course, really making the Voyageurs Cup great would require weekend dates and more pre-match buildup. It would, in short, require MLS and the USL to stop being inept jackasses, so I’m not holding my breath. It is a horrible truth that the Canadian game is enslaved to the shambolic American leagues, leagues with no conception of the game’s history, leagues that can’t even bother to recognize international dates and dilute their product by going up against the game’s biggest competitions and forcing their stars to choose between club and country. If the CONCACAF Gold Cup can’t get a couple weeks off out of those idiots, what chance does the Voyageurs Cup have?

The Montreal Impact deliberately made a mockery of our only national football competition. It will take a long time for Canadians to forgive them for that. But that mockery was only made possible by the idiocy of our footballing masters across the border, and we shouldn’t lose sight of that essential truth.

Still, only one thing really matters today. Congratulations, Toronto FC, who will be worthy representatives even if their best player has turned his back on Canada. I only hope I can catch one of your many, many CONCACAF Champions League matches in the coming season.