After weeks of waiting, we have it for you at last: the 66-minute 99 Friendship AmWoSoLit Special!
This is a departure from our usual format. As a rule, every week Carolyn and I get together and giggle at curlers and haircuts and very occasionally a women’s soccer game, if through some miracle one was played. This time we took a different tack. Rather than obsess over the performances of every Canadian in second-division Swiss woso, we obsessed over the performances of two Americans in first-division ghostwritten celebrity memoir publication: Carli Lloyd’s When Nobody Was Watching: My Hard-Fought Journey to the Top of the Soccer World and Abby Wambach’s Forward: A Memoir.
The books were awful, but there was still too much awesomeness to squeeze into anything like our usual half-hour. I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to tease this 66 minutes of joy. What’s the best part, Carli insisting she “doesn’t do fake” in a ghost-written celebrity memoir? Abby’s “memoir” achieving the highest “yeah that totally happened” per 90 since Paul James’s? Carli pronouncing her hatred of drama like a woman habitually at the centre of all the drama she can attract? Abby, so recently decrying dual nationals in US soccer, proudly mentoring Sydney Leroux? Carli “quoting” huge, multi-paragraph conversations about how amazing she is that she totally isn’t making up? Abby telling us which teammate broke her heart over the phone but only in the young adult edition? Even this paragraph hardly scrapes the surface. This is my favourite episode we’ve ever done and it owes nothing to Carolyn and I, who just grab onto our Kindles and go for the ride.
I mean, don’t buy these books, they’re terrible. Listen to us instead.
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