99 Friendship Episode 51 CURLING FANTASY SPECIAL!

By Carolyn Duthie and Benjamin Massey

August 23rd, 2017 · No comments

Yes I know it’s Wednesday. But this was worth the wait. We have one of the most special episodes of 99 Friendship ever: the 50-minute Curling Fantasy Spectacular!

But don’t worry, woso fans, we love you. Yes, this is a super-curling episode, but there’s actually a solid 20 minutes of soccer!

  • NCAA season is underway! Jessie Fleming is already a meme again, as well as the Muscle Milk Student-Athlete of the Week! Is it just me or does that sound indefinably inappropriate for an underage woman? Also Vital Katz, Sarah Stratigakis, and Deanne Rose have walked straight into college and started doin’ work.

  • Because we recorded a day later than usual, we learned that the United States – Canada second friendly on November 12 will be in San Jose, California, or as Carolyn and I are going to call it “San Francisco.” Enjoy the three minutes where we basically talk about our upcoming California vacation!

  • Another week in the NWSL happened!

  • The Universiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade is happening in Taiwan and I get frustrated with their website! Carolyn wants to play pool!

  • FIFA announced its shortlist for THE BEST and, while Marta is somehow not on it, Carli Lloyd is there to represent the “inexplicable famous person from the Americas” vote. We talk about this. Yes this gives me an excuse to use the Carli Lloyd Theme for the third episode in a row.

Anyway, the reason this became an hour-long special is that we found out the Everest Curling Challenge, the late-August kickoff to the curling season about which I had previously been so cynical, is actually a mixed event with drafted teams. The skips pick teams of two men and two women and we get to experience enormous drama! Also Val Sweeting is in it now! So we did a fantasy draft. Yes this was so much fun.

Our rules, by the way, based off what we know about the tournament and what we made up was:

  • each skip drafts his or her own three players, serpentine, in the order Carolyn came up with

  • you can’t have two members of the same unmixed quints team on the same mixed quads team

  • everyone throws boy-girl-boy-girl, but you’re not limited by position so you can put Mark Nichols at lead or whatever and you can sweep in any rules-legal manner

  • as a necessary mid-draft rules patch, you can’t snooker one of the other teams by drafting players such that the next team to draft wouldn’t have any players eligible given the rules above

So what happened?!

  • We invent the field of “fantasy curling strategy!” Load up your thirds in the early rounds! Nobody needs scrubbers in the first round, take your third! But sometimes it’s late in the day and you need to pick Best Harnden Available.

  • We ignore the field of “fantasy curling strategy” in favour of principles like “John Epping seems like he wants to play with nice people” and “Brad Jacobs can fuck off!”

  • By the way, Fantasy Team John Epping actually turns out to be pretty good somehow! So maybe niceness pays off! On the other hand, Brad Jacobs’ team is ridiculous and Chelsea Carey’s team goes off the rails instantly.

  • Also, since Carolyn and I pick girl-boy, I only have one Alberta rink to play with and I get a little too excited about sincerely trying to get Kevin Koe a competitive team, right now to being really disappointed I couldn’t get him Dawn McEwen. (I’m so traumatized by this that later in the podcast I confuse her with Lisa Weagle in an uneditable way!)

  • Neither of us have any idea who John Epping’s guys are. That’s another piece of good fantasy curling strategy, don’t get stuck with an Epping.

  • Last, but absolutely not least, Carolyn turns Team Jennifer Jones into the greatest thing in the history of human communication. And if you last 43 minutes you can hear Carolyn and me talking ourselves into it.

Then we talk about more curling at the end. This is my favourite episode since the amwosolit episode. Please listen to it all.

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